Location: United States

Friday, July 22, 2005

We blog because we're too ugly to be camwhores

I just got back from picking up my paycheck and on the way home I saw a gas station sign. It had all the usual information on it: price, grades, corporate logo, etc... But the one thing that stuck out for me was the phrase "Extreme Diesel". Diesel? Extreme? Sure, if you decide to light up a smoke while you're pumping gas, I can see where diesel could get extreme. But normal, non on-fire diesel? I can just picture it. Some douchebag on a snowboard going down a steep mountain while huffing a coke bottle full of diesel while screaming "XTR3M3 L0L0L0L!!!!!111one23" and subsequently crashing face first into the top of a tree.

Every now and then, some tard shows up at the booth window where I work asking for matches. I'm usually polite and tell them that we don't carry matches and they go on their merry way, looking for some way to fark up a simple operation like pumping gas. There is a reason why we don't carry matches or lighters (anymore). Gasoline fumes + open flame = (Think about it). We are well aware that if we started selling matches or lighters some idiot will eventually insist on lighting up after they start pumping their gas. Be grateful we even sell you cancer sticks. I personally have no problem with selling cigarettes because people still have free will. I'm not going to cram them down your windpipe so it's not my damn fault when you start getting various cancers. I couldn't keep the damn things out of the booth if I tried. I'm just a farking gas monkey. Blame management.

A few days ago I was on my way to work and I saw a cow relieving itself. Not in the normal way though. There was a fountain of brownish liquid spewing forth from its ass, reminding me of tubgirl. Sort of a tubcow. I was like, HOLY CRAP, TUBCOW!!!! Sickest thing I have ever seen in real life. The worst part was that its ass was pointed straight at the road so I had a full view of the liquid ass explosion.


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